In today’s episode of Really Stupid Criminals, a lurid tale of mixed up priorities comes via the Windy City.
With the Chicago murder rate on a record pace, sometimes the smaller crime stories slip through the cracks about ordinary criminals and perverts, this story involves both.
A 24-year-old man broke into a local home where he made off with an iPad but sabotaged his own clean getaway when he stopped to pleasure himself. The move gave police enough time to close the gap and arrest his ass.
Wicker Park: Burglar caught after he takes time out to masturbate, cops say.
STORY: https://t.co/9qZgt1Rkwe pic.twitter.com/W3lUFFbF6I
— CWBChicago (@CWBChicago) August 15, 2017
According to local crime watch website CWB Chicago “Burglar Busted When He Stops To Masturbate, Cops Say”:
He’s facing hard time. But the court may let him plead down to a misdewiener.
Cops caught up with a 24-year-old burglar Sunday afternoon because he took a break from his escape to masturbate in a nearby gangway, police said.
A Wicker Park resident called police around noontime after seeing a man enter his home and steal an iPad in the 2000 block of West Le Moyne.
Cops were speaking with the victim when another 911 call was dispatched: A woman on a nearby street said a man was masturbating outside of her house—and her description of the man closely matched the burglary offender.
Officers said they rolled up to the woman’s home just in time to see Michael Gentry take off running. They caught up with him in a yard in the 1400 block of North Leavitt.
He just happened to be carrying an iPad and the burglary victim was able to identify him, police said.
One has to wonder whether he was watching porn on the stolen iPad when he stopped in the middle of his escape due to being unable to control his impulses long enough to get to a safe location where he could choke the chicken.
You just can’t make stuff like this up.
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